Once upon a time seems suiting. I was young an inexperienced at the time and was invited to a party that my friend's said would be "pretty rad". I wasn't much of the party attending type at the time but decided that given my current relationship status it really wouldn't hurt to get out and mingle with someone other than my "pretty rad" friends.
I can't recall which day it was exactly, let's say it was a Friday night, either way I ended up going to this "rad" party. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty awesome. The night went by splendidly, a bunch of drinks and a bunch of casual conversation. At the the end of the night I ended up being a little slurry, however, still in control and having the time of my life. The next hour is a little fuzzy when it comes to exact details but somehow I met a girl and ended up back at her place in her room. What came after will forever be engraved into the depths of my memoirs to the utmost detail.
This would be the first time I had sex.
Everything was going wonderfully, or so I imagined from all the stories I'd heard and movies I'd seen. The only things that threw me off was this girl's interest in me, and the layer of thin plastic covering the bed. Somewhere in the magic of it all, this girl, that I would later describe as nothing more than a freak, suggested that it would be pleasurable if she inserted a small dildo into my ass. So me being the guy who was still slightly under the influence and who had lost his virginity only moments earlier decided that this suggestion could only make the situation more stimulating than it already was. I think the response I used was "why not?". I may have even thrown an exclamation point in there at the time also. "Why not?", shit, if I had known what I was in for the last thing I would have been doing was dropping questions like that. I would have found my favorite underwear that were somewhere in that foul room, slipped them on, grabbed my pants and gotten the fuck out of there before the faux-pas-ness of putting my feet into my shoes without socks on even crossed my mind. Instead there I was with a smile on my face and something smooth in my ass.
This went on for sometime, but like I said, It was my first time. I'd like to think I was lucky for this because the embarrassment could have gone on for much longer had it been further into my sexual career. But then again, maybe if I was more experienced I would have known better than to get myself into the situation I was in.
Climax was nearing and I informed my "partner" of this. Just as I was doing what I went there to do, the freak decided to pop the dildo out of my ass at the same speed and pressure that could only be compared to the cork on a champagne bottle doing what it does best. This was a bad thing. I immediately found out that something being pulled out of your ass at such a speed does what an enema would do. I also found out what the plastic sheets were for.
Before I knew why the room smelled like last night's dinner there she was, this girl, the freak, rolling around and playing in my shit, an act I could only describe as "something I saw on the Discovery Channel last month".
Before I knew why the room smelled like last night's dinner there she was, this girl, the freak, rolling around and playing in my shit, an act I could only describe as "something I saw on the Discovery Channel last month".
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Now, part of me would like to take credit for such a feat, but I can't. This sexual quest actually happened to a friend of a friend of mine. Sure it was a first on many fronts for this brave soul; his first time having sex, his first time having something slipped into his ass, his first time running out the door with only his underwear on and his first time having a life changing story to share with his friends. But what was really a first was the way I felt when he delivered the punch line. It was the first time I felt sick and puked a little bit in my mouth from someone telling me a story.
This story has been passed on to many people, probably changing each listener's life a little bit no matter how tough they think they are. But really, what we should all walk away from this with is that if ever you come upon plastic sheets, let that be sign enough to get out as fast as a cork exiting a bottle of champagne.
as for shit on the covers...
I see that everyone involved in the NUS Collective is very talented and has a lot to bring to the table. This excites me. I cannot wait to see what things come from all of this. It also convinces me that the NUS will never have anything close to shit on it's covers.
-DH
that happened to me to. Wierd
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